I see it as simply something that I seldom do—a new year’s resolution that I wrote back in December or maybe January. I came across it on a hard drive this morning and was personally curious as to how well I have been able to keep it as we rapidly approach the mid point of the year. I think I have done fairly well, but I really need to keep it out where I see it more often—I blame my many failures on advanced age and short term memory loss… here it is…
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For the last several years I have erroneously thought that it was somehow important to express to others my personal opinions on photography, my photographic philosophies so to speak. I tried to convince myself that there was some altruistic reasoning behind that like maybe helping others advance their own work or maybe just helping them to see photography in an interesting new light—something beyond a craft.
I say erroneously because I was the only person dissatisfied
with their work—they weren’t. They were quite happy. I shouldn’t say that I was
dissatisfied. It was just that I thought they were capable of doing considerably
better if they only thought about photography a little differently. What I did
not understand is that it required more than me seeing the prospect of greater
potential; it required that they see that prospect and desire the results of perusing that prospect. They were not yet to
that point and I, obviously, was not capable of conveying the necessity in a way
that they were willing to accept. And then again, maybe is it not really
necessary to get to that point as long as the photographer gets satisfaction
from the work they are producing. Maybe not every body needs from photography
what I need from photography.
That leads me to the conclusion that as I have always
known--there was considerable selfishness behind these efforts. I had hoped to
find friends that had similar convictions regarding photography that I could
connect with, mutually learn from. Whereas I was unable to find such friends I
stupidly tried to create them as I create my own little world with photographs.
That is a losing proposition on both sides.
I have concluded that I am in a cubbyhole all my own, and
of my own making, and that no one else really cares how I see
photography, nor should they. I have to admit that I have lost to craft and in
doing so have lost much too much of the craft.
As a result my own photography has stagnated, withered,
dried up, gotten terribly dull and I am depressed about that. For every forward
movement there are two steps backwards. Sure, occasionally I get a somewhat
decent photograph but it is the same photograph that I did last week, last
year, five years ago. I am tired of repeating semi-successes. I need it to be
more than that and my present path is definitely not going there.
I have decided that my ‘campaign’ is beyond ludicrous and
terribly frustrating so I have done something that I almost never do—tendered a
New Year’s Resolution. Here it is as simply as I can put it.
During the year of 2015, I am going to be considerably less
involved in what other photographers do and devote my energies to my own
photography.
As much as I believe in my philosophies; as needy as I am
for a ‘support group’, this year I am going to drop all efforts. I will
continue to answer questions but I will make no effort to teach or instruct.
Everything that I need is in my extensive library. I will
always be willing to share what little I know but only to those that make
specific requests beyond "do you like this"; beyond "how can I improve this". I
will, as I do on-line, require a statement of intent; then if I feel that I
can, I will tell the photographer how well I feel the photograph is successful
or unsuccessful. No more critiquing either in person or on-line.
Turning sows ears into silk purses is a difficult thing to
do so this is going to be a difficult resolution for me to keep. But I do need
to keep it so I am going to print it out and post it to the wall above my desk
in the studio as a constant reminder.
Yes, I am crawling back into wherever it was I came from. As Millay wrote, "I shall be gone to what I understand, And happier than I ever was before... I shall find the sullen rocks and skies, Unchanged from what they were when I was young."
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Addendum: Later, on my computer at home, I found a piece where I expounded on this concept. If I have the nerve, I may post it when I get home. I'll read it through to see how much trouble I might be in first. Needless to say, I write a lot that is not intended to be shared, such as these two pieces. I concluded that resolutions are not resolutions if they are kept secret.
Yes, I am crawling back into wherever it was I came from. As Millay wrote, "I shall be gone to what I understand, And happier than I ever was before... I shall find the sullen rocks and skies, Unchanged from what they were when I was young."
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Addendum: Later, on my computer at home, I found a piece where I expounded on this concept. If I have the nerve, I may post it when I get home. I'll read it through to see how much trouble I might be in first. Needless to say, I write a lot that is not intended to be shared, such as these two pieces. I concluded that resolutions are not resolutions if they are kept secret.
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