Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sardines, Beds and Mattresses

This OFF TOPIC (not photography related but I have to share.) I have finally given in to a hospital bed for Janet which means our queen size is in the hall with at the present an undetermined future. The bed has an undetermined future; not so for the ^&%$&*@#%@ mattress. I am greatly looking forward to the next heavy trash pickup even though the mattress is only about three years old I cannot wait to banish it forever from my domicile.

Sharing a hospital bed will give you considerable insight into being a sardine so I went bed shopping today but I am so darn particular and they may no longer make what I am insisting on having.

I have owned my very last pillow top mattress--never, never ever again. I've slept in rocky creek bottoms that were more comfortable. I would like to take the person that came up with the idea of heavily quilted mattress tops with the guy that came up with 24" doors for bathrooms and dip them both in boiling oil very, very slowly. If I could only get up off the floor a pallet would be more pleasant. I am old enough to remember homemade cotton mattresses and believe me they would be preferable. Do you get the idea that I really, really hate pillowtop mattresses? Finally after a year or so I did manage to hog wallow an indentation where I could at least be less uncomfortable and I ain’t doing that again even if I have to take a box cutter to it.

I can also assure you, if it doesn't take photographs or connect to the Internet I am not shelling out three grand for a mattress. I may be on a girth reducing regiment very shortly. LOL

A year or so after Janet and I married Janet read me a review of a new book on how not to be a wimp. I am not going to speculate on exactly why she thought that I needed to be informed on such matters. Since that time she has frequently commented that she is extremely pleased that she only read the review and never bought me the book. I worked too many years behind the counter to have much patience with sales people—especially what passes for sales people today. Now don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of excellent sales people still around but there are a lot more that hardly qualify for the title.

We went to Gallery Furniture because I thought they would have as good a selection as anyone. I have only been in Gallery once before. This was many, many years ago when they would not let you browse. As you entered you were assigned a sales person to accompany you. Being told that I had no other choice; which went over like a lead balloon, I didn’t get past the sales desk. I have heard that that was no longer their policy so I thought I would give them a shot at my bed business.

I am undecided whether to purchase a twin bed or a recliner. After spending three nights on a recliner in the hospital I am leaning toward twin bed but I still wanted to look at both. In the recliner department the sales person stated that recliners do not lay flat—well, within the past five days I have spent the night on two different recliners that did. I was informed that the only recliner that did that was one of these contraptions that shoot up into the air to assist old people to slide out—at half the price of a D700 and then when flat it had an eight inch gap in the middle that you had to stuff a pillow into. No thanks.

In the bed department all the twin beds had headboards and footboards—most of which looked like they were constructed from pressure treated two by eights—I wanted a frame and mattress. I was informed that they no longer make frames where you can attach a headboard; now you must have a headboard and a footboard to hold the frame together. I was on the Internet last night pricing bed frames. Now tell me that “we do not carry that type of frame” but don’t tell me that they no longer make that type of frame—among others, Walmart sells them, probably ten different models. Every mattress was as lumpy as the creek bottom at Jones Park up on FM1488 unless you went with the children’s mattresses. True, they did have one that was not quilted however, my carcass on a mattress designed for a fifty pounder and I bottomed out. So we graduated to Tempurpetic. The top was right—the price wasn’t. So tonight it is back to the sardine can.

The salesman tonight said he had been with Gallery for fourteen years. I am not sure he had ever encountered anyone that knew what they were willing to purchase before. He mentioned that some people were more of a challenge than others. I’m not a challenge. I am just going to get what I want one way or the other—that is why they call me the customer. And believe me I most usually have done my homework before I enter the premises, so don’t fabricate the answers. Gallery may no longer assign a salesman but I don’t know that they have much of a shot at any of my business, today or in the future.


  1. Gary, I'm sorry but I am LOL at this one!!! But seriously, a decent night's sleep is worth whatever you have to pay for it and I sincerely hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. It sounds like the only thing you haven't tried at this point is a water bed. Good luck!!

  2. Hey, I would not know a descent night's sleep if it clubbed me between the eyes with a two by four. But, if you say that is good I'll take your word for it.

    You want to know the truth--a huchie kutch is a huchie kutch even if forced (English translation: the joy of snuggling.)

    For a brief period of time after we married and I moved into her apartment we slept on her twin bed since my apartment was furnished with borroweds. I am being reminded that there's just lots of togetherness that you miss out on when sleeping in a queen.

  3. Furniture shopping is one of my least favorite things to do. I do, however, recommend researching a mattress company, finding your best option, and compare prices on the internet. There may be a discount company that does not have a brick and mortar that will ship it to you for less than you could buy it locally. Good luck!